Every day I sit at my computer trying to form the words to describe my hospital experiences.  It is really hard.  When I had Maggie, I was prepared for what was to come.  I was ok that we had to wait for her to poop to be able to eat, even though it didn't make any sense to me.  I was ok that she had to have a PICC line in and that we controlled how much she ate and when she ate.  I was prepare and I was ok with it. 

So far I have only had to stay long term with Maggie twice.  The first time was after I had her and the second time was when she started to spit up green bile.  I can honestly say that the first of the two was the easiest to go through because I knew what to expect. 

When we went to the hospital the second time, I learned things that I thought I wouldn't need to know.  For instance if we ever had to go back I would go buy a notebook and a pen and I would recommend that the nurses and doctors note everything, every time they came in, what they did, what they talked about, because in big hospitals you will more then likely have a different doctor or nurse the next day or the next week.  It depends.  This is a suggestion for any mom to be with a baby with a known medical condition or a mother with a baby in the hospital.

At first I was just going to tell you about Maggie and I's experiences, but I found that I am not ready to just spill them out yet.  I know that it would be very helpful to most expecting parents or parents who are just looking for information, but I am still having a hard time talking about it among friends.  The first go around was a piece of cake compared to what Maggie, Mikey, and I have been through.   I want to tell you about it, but I think that only a little will have to come out at a time. 

Anyways, writing things down was my first suggestion.  When I say that I mean it too.  In this notebook you buy, take notes when you talk to doctors or nurses, or any other employees that come and speak to you.  Write down questions you have, that way you know that you will remember them later.  My doctors would come in to talk to me about Maggie and they would flood me with so much information, but when you are in a situation like that your mind is filling with other things, with worries, stress, and what did I do wrongs.  You can help but think about that kind of stuff.  You heart is in trouble and you don't know how it happened or how to fix it.  When you get a minute to breath your mind will start racing in all different directions and you wont remember a thing that the doctors said or what questions you had already asked, but if you re-think them you can write them down.

When my Doctor first told me that Maggie was sick I just started crying.  They were trying to take my blood but all I could do was ball my eyes out.  What had I done to deserve this, what was going to happen to my baby, why did God have to punish something so innocent, what was our life going to be life.  I mean I just kept spinning and spinning in worries.  When I heard that something was wrong with Maggie, I knew right then and there that I was really in love with this little peanut in my tummy and I was going to do everything I could to make this better.  I was very lucky to have a friend with me so that she could listen and then later on my family.