When Maggie went back into the hospital I was terrified and I kept fooling myself. Telling myself that it was just a false alarm and we would be home in a couple of days. Every day that we were there I would tell myself this, that was before the doctor came in to tell me that my baby may have a liver disease called biliary atresia. I hate crying in front of people. Even Mikey, but I couldn't hold myself together. I was scared for Maggie, so many possiblities were running through my mind. They told me that she would need a liver biopsy and that a GI specialist would need to do it.
UC Davis, the number one children's hospital on the west coast, you would think that they would have a GI specialist, but what was I thinking to assume that? Don't get me wrong I love the UC Davis NICU. It is an awesome place, everyone is super nice, they care, and it is on lock down like all the time.
Anyways, so they told me that Maggie would need to go to San Fransisco. So San Fransisco hear we come.
I wanted to tell you guys this part of my long story because Maggie being sick again brought back memories that I thought I could put behind me and never have to remember again. I have gone through lots of times in my life when I have done this, but things never get solved and they have a way of bitting you in the butt. Anyways, when you have a child that is born with issues and spends the first month, three months, or first few days in the hospital you start to grow a fear that it will happen again. I can't really say that it just happens to parents with special needs infants, but with any parent. It is scary because you don't know what is going to happen. I feel like I am repeating myself, but it's the way I feel. Maggie just started being fussy about yesterday at 3pm until Mikey got back from Altruas with the Vicks, both the rub and stuff you put in the humidifier, and saline drops. I see a huge difference in her and her attitude.
My point is, is that when the cold got worse then I started saying "UC Davis here we come again, at least Mikey will be down here again too." I started thinking negative because I just thought that is what was just going to happen." She is doing much better now, still not feeling well, but better and I know that I shouldn't have thought that way. Positive thinking is better for you soul, but hard when it lets you down.
It is tough to be a parent of a sick baby, I can definitely relate as my youngest was born just shy of a month early and was listed as failure to thrive because he was a sleeper baby. He did but then at 4 months became ill and was misdiagnosed. This led to years of ER's, Drs and medicines around the clock, often as often as every 2 hours. So I can relate. He is, incidentally, now the healthiest family member and at 19 has just finished his first year in the Navy.
ReplyDeletePositive thinking is always best, but you wouldn't be human or a good Mom if you didn't feel apprehension when she starts to get sick. It does help to have others to chat with and talk to. My door is always open if you want to connect or need to vent. My facebook is: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/cooleykat or if you prefer send me an email through Kaplan: my id is: KathleenCooley2 and let me know a better way for you.
Glad to hear Maggie is feeling better.
Kathleen